sometimes i wonder

when i visit blogs,
i tend to read a lot of depressing stories.
but i'm in the same boat too!
why dont i just fall and cry and say i wanna die?
then everyone will comfort me right?
but, NO i can't!
i wonder why i'm so strong.
SO STRONG NO ONE CAN SEE SADNESS IN ME.
i mean, if you see it, well, no one asks anw.
maybe i want people to ask.
maybe not.
maybe i'm so strong.
because God moulded me to this stage.
why can't i fall & cry?
people will say i'm weak.
and because I've got Daddy.
i've so many problems
but i smile & laugh so much
the smiles cover up all the tears.
that flow down, right and deep inside the heart which once almost tore.
and the wall banged on me.
i took shelter.
finding refuge in Him, and Him alone.
i didn't tell anyone.
that i was torn and broken up.
sorry Daddy.
but whenever i think of You, and Your goodness.
i can't help but cry.
tears well up in my eyes.
and roll down my cheeks.
and your everything.
SORRY.
once i fall.
at the bottom of the pit.
You pick me up.
You always do.
i wonder why.
its not funny.
i know there's something missing in me.
I KNOW.
SORRY PAPA.
I know you're fine there.
i want to go there too.
BUT I CAN'T.
listen and hear me with your heart.