Okay honestly all I could do was stare in disbelief when I saw the results slip at first..and haha just so you know, it wasn't because I did well..but well, things happen right? Haha I'd be lying if I said I've completely taken it in my stride..not entirely but I'm sure I'll get there :D
Haha when my teacher asked me what went wrong I couldn't even answer her..what do I say? It's not supposed to be like that..this must be a mistake..? How can this be? Lol I could only utter "No-nothing.."
Then the mind war started..the logical side VS the unable-to-accept-reality side..logical side said "Well it could have been worse..you know you should thank God no matter what happens" and the other said "Is this some kind of a joke?? Living nightmare??" Haha but thank God logical side won over for the day..though sometimes the unable-to-accept-reality side kicks in..though the extent of how negative the thoughts are has decreased over time..now it's more like "God why did you allow this to happen? I know there's a reason for everything..I know You have a plan for me..is it because I didn't pray enough? Is this punishment for my sins? Are You angry or upset with me? God, why?" And then after all that I'd get back up and tell myself I'm not going to let the devil feel like I've been defeated..because no I haven't! I'm still going to thank God, I'm still going to go to church, I'm still going to pray and God is going to carry me through this and I still want to be close to God! =D So forget it, no matter how you try to get me down, you won't succeed because God's not going to allow that and I thank God cause that's more important than the results..so what if I didn't do well? So what if I thought God would say yes to my prayer? So what if I thought God told me I'd get 88.75? So what if that's the reason I kept holding on to that belief? So what? You and I know that His ways are higher than anyone else's and His thoughts are higher than anyone else's as well! =D
So this is just a trial I know :D And God definitely has blessings prepared for me in the days ahead..I just need to follow Him and get there! =D I'm gonna believe that there's gonna be a brighter tomorrow! :D Haha God has carried me through so many things..and this time He's gonna do the same, for sure! Though this time my results aren't fantastic, I can use my attitude to glorify God :D Because it's not what happens that matters, it's how you react to what happens that matters. Something I told JS before and something that resounded in my head after I got my results..yup there are many ways to give glory to God and getting good results isn't the only way..I wanna use my entire life to glorify God! =D Sure it isn't perfect but that's how God has planned for it to be and I want to live it well because life is one of God's gifts to me! :D And I hope God's gonna use my story to inspire many others in the future! =D
Hahaha yayyy thank God I've finally come to the end of my entry..haha thank God I'm a writer at heart so writing things down makes me feel better :D Thank You God! Okay God bless, take care & byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! =D
[Edit]
I wanna live out Romans 5:3-5! =D
3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.