But that gave me a chance to try smth new! Hehe turned my handwriting into a font and I'm so so happy w how it turned out!
Sunday, February 22, 2026
💌
But that gave me a chance to try smth new! Hehe turned my handwriting into a font and I'm so so happy w how it turned out!
Wednesday, January 21, 2026
Okay lemme just get my thoughts out.
Today someone texted in the chat and he replied. Nice long reply. And honestly I was a bit annoyed cause in our last convo, he blueticked me. Way to be bias huh.
Been having a headache since the afternoon and I didn't respond to the chat but I doubt anyone would notice or bother to ask. Much less him.
Wish I didn't care about his response. Or lack thereof.
But I can't get what I heard out of my mind. Why did God say it, only for things to turn out like this?
I've tried and tried. But forget it. I don't wanna earn his approval. Tiring to. For others it's so easy to. But for me, somehow it never seems enough.
I doubt he'd read this. Like I said, he doesn't care.
Maybe part of me feels like..he considers the person he replied a friend but not me? The one who was there for so long? I don't get it. I really don't.
Honestly, isn't it basic courtesy to reply DMs before group chats? So that no one's feelings would be dismissed/ hurt?
How difficult is it to do that? And yet, some people never seem to learn.
What do you want me to say or think about this God? I'm sick of being someone that people treat less well.
Saturday, January 10, 2026
Sunday, January 04, 2026
该放就放
再想也没有用
傻傻等待
他也不会。。
--
今夜的风有点奇怪吹不散乌云的期待
就像正在等待的我
My babe oh
早班的飞机还不来
何时能降落在我的怀中
夹杂的是哪一种脆弱
每当世界不讲道理
每当天气还没有放晴。。
God it's so hard to keep my eyes up. Things don't make sense. I don't know how long more I can wait..😢
When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is
Really? I think I should give up tho. It's been way too long.
Why am I now not content w just having You? 😞
Sunday, October 12, 2025
Thursday, July 31, 2025
Tuesday, November 14, 2023
Someone asked me how I am today. I haven't replied cause I haven't really sorted my emotions out. So here I am.
Met my RO who couldn't give me an absolute answer if I'd be promoted next year. It's been 6 years. He said P said it's not right and would check with HR if I'm still not promoted. Nice to know but..doesn't P always decide who gets promoted? Don't they know the promotion list long before it's out? I guess I'll only have my answers when I get to talk to him.
And then after school, during the dept meeting, I felt very strongly that my HOD favours another colleague and wants to give her opportunities. The favoured continues to get favour. I guess I feel sad about this too, and it has only strengthened my resolve to apply for a transfer next year. Long overdue, I tell myself.
Been thinking if I should share my story on social media. Would things be better? People might sympathise and be angry on my behalf but..would anything actually get done? Do I really have to question MOE on social media and ask if things have been fair? I think about what might happen and honestly, don't have high hopes that I'd be compensated in any way.
And then there are gonna be people who ask why I didn't transfer earlier. I did think about it almost every year.
2018: too early to trf. I was given the option by MOE to do so at the EOY but my then VP gave me the letter after the deadline
2019: So much happened that I asked P if I could go in May. He persuaded me to stay. And after ranking, told me that I should go somewhere new cause the KPs said unfavourable things about me. But it was too late. Appn period was over. He apologized. And I somehow felt peace about staying (on hindsight, was that a pseudo sense of peace? I really don't know) + a Christian colleague told me "the devil wants you to go, but God wants you to stay".
2020: mental health was at its worst. I guess being in a toxic environment really took its toll on me. I wanted out of the ranking system. I couldn't go on and had to take NPL for 4 months. Missed the appn period for transferring yet again.
2022: had in mind to trf again cause I wasn't getting a role I wanted even tho I've requested for it a few times. Was really, really considering to do it in 2023.
2023: looked through the open postings and narrowed down to some but nearing the end of the deadline, I spoke to a colleague I'm doing a proj w and she said my idea is v good. So since we have the base in this school, I thought I would stay to see to its completion.
Other pros I listed:
- my preferred level
- a v good coform
- good RO (next year's one also confirmed alr)
- nice level colleagues I'm comfortable with
- nice SLs (that VP left)
Applying next year would mean I have to stay on till next year end. That'd make it 7 years in this school. Number of completion isn't it. It's high time I move on after that. Anyway said project didn't really take off. It's v raw I feel. Also heard my proj partner thought of leaving. Coform too. Plus I'd have completed the full 2 years with my current class. And dept has plans for me which I'm not keen on.
Found smth I shared w someone before:
"Boils down to opportunities. Being in a new environment where people don't have any preconceived notions of me may help me grow more!"
I really have more than enough reasons to leave and start again. I wish I did earlier because as a BT I would have been given a mentor (in the new school). I can only hope that I will be treated kindly and get the support I need. People who believe in me, see my potential and really nurture me.
Saturday, January 21, 2023
V v upset.
I haven't cried in a long time. Was talking to mummy about wanting to leave the school. Cause I was just thinking about how I'm just given the tasks nobody else wants to do/ how I'm still stuck at the same grade when everyone else has alr been promoted long ago.
It's certainly not fair. When those in power can see your potential but just refuse to give you the recognition because they just have smth against you. For years. 5 YEARS.
I should have left earlier. Really should have. If I went to somewhere else my mental health wouldn't have been affected so much.
委屈 😞
Monday, December 05, 2022
Thursday, November 17, 2022
Today I teared when I watched my ex-students (now P6) performing on stage. Is it cause:
1. I recall the good times we had tgt (some of the best memories I had)
2. I didn't get to keep to my word of having a class performance with them
3. How things have changed..and they no longer treat me like they used to..
I guess it's a combination of everything..watching them today reminded me of how I watched them rehearse for the CNY celebration in 2019 (cause they wanted me to be there)..they may never know this but they truly impacted me more than they think.
One sweet girl from that class got me to sign on her PE shirt that she brought to school today. The rest of the signatures belonged to her friends. Honoured that she wanted a parting "souvenir" from me.
Ah 3A.
I keep wondering if I'd have been able to teach them well for 2 years if things didn't go awry..to be honest, I think I would have. Sad that so much happened and affected me so much emotionally and mentally. I suffered and so did my kids.
For the first 7/8 months I hardly shouted at them. And we were so close. But by the 2nd semester I wasn't planning my lessons properly cause I wasn't exactly in a good mental space. And so the dynamics started changing. It showed. They got noisier and I felt like I was losing control. My kids started misbehaving a lot..I remember once I got one of them to stay back to talk to him after school cause he ..and he begrudgingly told me "you shouted"..it broke me on the inside..I wanna be the teacher who never raises my voice to gain control..but I failed. I told my kids I was having a hard time. But they were too young to understand. Perhaps they never will. And will just remember me as the teacher who failed to keep to her word and didn't walk the talk. I told them not to shout but I did it.
Maybe I never really forgave myself for that. Today when I saw that same boy he didn't really want to talk to me. Made me think he's still upset about what happened though I apologized. How I wish he knows I am too.
Am I in a better space now mentally? I guess. But I have questions I don't have answers to. I exist without knowing my specific purpose/ calling in life. I thought I knew, but I thought wrong. In a bid to try to keep it out of my mind, I told myself all I wanna do is to teach better next year. Without a care for anything else. Just teach well for 1 year and see where it leads me. Hopefully I won't have to go through all the drama and office politics again. I'll ask to leave the school if it happens. And this time, I'll stand firm on my decision.
Tuesday, July 20, 2021
Stop looking back, I tell myself.
It's been too long a time to be stuck in rewind..time to look forward.
In early 2018, I wouldn't have known that it'd end that way..so it could be the same now..I don't know how 2021 will end. So look forward..I may be surprised by what happens. But things may remain stagnant if I keep looking back. So, look forward. Trust that things would end up better than I think. Exceedingly, abundantly, more than I can imagine.
✨
Tuesday, September 29, 2020
a world filled with love
Thursday, May 21, 2020
on rest.
Sunday, March 15, 2020
keep it simple
Monday, January 20, 2020
the root/ my weakness/ what God has been teaching me (Part 2!)
No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon [money, possessions, fame, status, or whatever is valued more than the Lord].- Matthew 6:24 AMP
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| Source: Cru |
It was for this freedom that Christ set us free [completely liberating us]; therefore KEEP STANDING FIRM and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery [which you once removed]. (...) But I say, walk HABITUALLY in the [Holy] Spirit [seek Him and be responsive to His guidance], and then you will certainly not carry out the desire of the sinful nature [which responds impulsively without regard for God and His precepts]. For the sinful nature has its desire which is opposed to the Spirit, and the [desire of the] Spirit opposes the sinful nature; for these [two, the sinful nature and the Spirit] are in direct opposition to each other [continually in conflict], so that you [as believers] do not [always] do whatever [good things] you want to do. (...) Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. - Galatians 5:1, 16-17 AMP, 24-25 NLT
For God so greatly loved and dearly prized the world that He [even] gave up His only begotten ([a]unique) Son, so that whoever believes in (trusts in, clings to, relies on) Him shall not perish (come to destruction, be lost) but have eternal (everlasting) life.John 3:16 Amplified Bible, Classic Edition (AMPC)
The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it [a]overflows).
John 10:10 Amplified Bible, Classic Edition (AMPC)
Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me. “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. - John 15:4-5 NLT
Through Him we also have access by faith into this [remarkable state of] grace in which we [firmly and safely and securely] stand. Let us rejoice in our hope and the confident assurance of [experiencing and enjoying] the glory of [our great] God [the manifestation of His excellence and power].
While we were still helpless [powerless to provide for our salvation], at the right time Christ died [as a substitute] for the ungodly. Now it is an extraordinary thing for one to willingly give his life even for an upright man, though perhaps for a good man [one who is noble and selfless and worthy] someone might even dare to die. But God clearly shows and proves His own love for us, by the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Therefore, since we have now been justified [declared free of the guilt of sin] by His blood, [how much more certain is it that] we will be saved from the wrath of God through Him. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, it is much more certain, having been reconciled, that we will be saved [from the consequences of sin] by His life [that is, we will be saved because Christ lives today]. Not only that, but we also rejoice in God [rejoicing in His love and perfection] through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received and enjoy our reconciliation [with God].- Romans 5:2, 6-11 AMP
This was his eternal plan, which he carried out through Christ Jesus our Lord. Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God’s presence. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.- Ephesians 3:11-12, 16-20 NLT
Sunday, January 12, 2020
Sunday, December 15, 2019
Why would God call Singapore the Antioch of Asia if there was no one to fulfil that call? There are dreams that God has placed in you that will come true in spite of our failures as long as we allow Him to work.
But are you willing to surrender yourself as a vessel for Him to fulfil those dreams?”
- https://thir.st/blog/god-has-placed-a-dream-inside-of-you-jason-wong-fopx/
"..it takes sheer determination to fulfil your destiny.
If you need a reminder of this truth, just look at Jesus, said Roland. Even though His ultimate destiny was the Cross, Jesus, too, prayed the night before His death: “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me…” (Luke 22:42).
That was essentially Jesus saying “God, I don’t want to do this,” Roland pointed out. This was the man with one assignment, one mission and one destiny – and yet He too asked for a way out.
“Jesus shows us you can pray these kind of prayers. But Jesus says after that… ‘yet not my will, but yours be done.'”
“The pressure of your destiny can lead you to reject it,” shared Roland, confessing that there have been times when he felt that his calling was just too much to handle, moments when he simply didn’t want to preach.
The life of Jesus shows us something: There is someone who is depending on you to be who you need to be – and they need you to be determined. Who’s connected to your destiny? Who’s connected to your calling?
“If the enemy can’t keep you from being saved, he’ll keep you from operating in your destiny,” said Roland. “The devil will say: ‘I want them to compromise in their purity, the way they talk about people… Because if they compromise, they’ll never walk in the calling that they have.’
“What happens to so many people is they give in. Let me urge you: Don’t give in,” he stressed. “Run if you have to. Joseph did it – he ran from Potiphar’s wife (Genesis 39). Sometimes in your life you’ve just got to run. Don’t allow the devil to win in your life.”
Roland said: “It’s hard being a holy man and woman of God. It gets hard being encouraging to other people who are mean to you. It gets hard being aware that God can use you despite of your insecurities. But you need to make this decision. Don’t give in to your dark side.”
- https://thir.st/blog/your-destiny-has-a-dark-side-fopx-tyshone-roland/
“When God tells you to do something, He’s not asking you to figure out how to do it. It’s up to you to obey. It’s up to God to do it.”
- https://thir.st/blog/fopx-surrender-ushers-supernatural-ben-fitzgerald-urges-youth/
“It’s okay if you’ve done everything that you know how to do – read your Bible, prayed, fasted, worshipped – and all you can do left is stand. That is enough.”
- https://thir.st/blog/stay-where-you-are-even-if-you-cant-find-jesus-tyshone-roland-at-fopx-go-conference/
"Once we take hold of our God-given identity, we need to yield fully to His call and purpose. To surrender fully to God’s call is to withhold nothing and allow Him to take and use our lives in whatever way He sees fit. This requires us to acknowledge that our strength comes from God alone.
The only resource that’s of use to us is being close to the Father."
- https://thir.st/blog/fopx-making-2020-your-year-of-the-impossible/
