on rest.

Just gonna be straight up honest here. The struggle is real. No struggle, not real. Really. Even after all the reflections in the previous post, I still do struggle. And I think I've been beating myself up over it cause.."why you know but still like that????"..so ya but really, knowledge not = application..let alone the fact that knowledge not = constant application. Sigh.. I think that's smth I had been expecting myself to do. Which is too much for me..actually..come to think of it..it will be too much for anyone..

Dislike how hard I am on myself but that just creates a vicious cycle..hah goodness..as usual, my ways of coping w stress: food and phone. And Father. All the /f/ hahaha (thanks phonics). Last one the best. And I think I gotta remember that He doesn't expect me to apply all that I know all the time too.. that's just not gonna happen until I reach heaven. Lol. Cause all the time means..really no room for error! But we are imperfect..hahah

So..it hasn't been restful lately. Still awake tho I've got lessons later (ya hol lessons..dazwhy feel like no holiday 😢)..but actually I've a lot to thank God for.....

• this week's lessons are planned by my colleagues..so I don't have to worry..and even if I don't do it so well, they are not gonna scold me (in their hearts I don't know got scold or not la......haha) and they did take my suggestions..🥺

• JW who went out to get food for me cause I was so stressed and didn't feel like going down

• A who talked to me for 2 hours straight ytd (and replies my messages) even tho she probably had tons of other things to do.. I think I would have gone crazy without the nice people God put in my life..really..