“God has placed dreams, gifts and talents in every single one of you.

Why would God call Singapore the Antioch of Asia if there was no one to fulfil that call? There are dreams that God has placed in you that will come true in spite of our failures as long as we allow Him to work.

But are you willing to surrender yourself as a vessel for Him to fulfil those dreams?”
- https://thir.st/blog/god-has-placed-a-dream-inside-of-you-jason-wong-fopx/

"..it takes sheer determination to fulfil your destiny.

If you need a reminder of this truth, just look at Jesus, said Roland. Even though His ultimate destiny was the Cross, Jesus, too, prayed the night before His death: “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me…” (Luke 22:42).

That was essentially Jesus saying “God, I don’t want to do this,” Roland pointed out. This was the man with one assignment, one mission and one destiny – and yet He too asked for a way out.

“Jesus shows us you can pray these kind of prayers. But Jesus says after that… ‘yet not my will, but yours be done.'”

“The pressure of your destiny can lead you to reject it,” shared Roland, confessing that there have been times when he felt that his calling was just too much to handle, moments when he simply didn’t want to preach.

The life of Jesus shows us something: There is someone who is depending on you to be who you need to be – and they need you to be determined. Who’s connected to your destiny? Who’s connected to your calling?

“If the enemy can’t keep you from being saved, he’ll keep you from operating in your destiny,” said Roland. “The devil will say: ‘I want them to compromise in their purity, the way they talk about people… Because if they compromise, they’ll never walk in the calling that they have.’

“What happens to so many people is they give in. Let me urge you: Don’t give in,” he stressed. “Run if you have to. Joseph did it – he ran from Potiphar’s wife (Genesis 39). Sometimes in your life you’ve just got to run. Don’t allow the devil to win in your life.”

Roland said: “It’s hard being a holy man and woman of God. It gets hard being encouraging to other people who are mean to you. It gets hard being aware that God can use you despite of your insecurities. But you need to make this decision. Don’t give in to your dark side.”
- https://thir.st/blog/your-destiny-has-a-dark-side-fopx-tyshone-roland/

“When God tells you to do something, He’s not asking you to figure out how to do it. It’s up to you to obey. It’s up to God to do it.”
- https://thir.st/blog/fopx-surrender-ushers-supernatural-ben-fitzgerald-urges-youth/

“It’s okay if you’ve done everything that you know how to do – read your Bible, prayed, fasted, worshipped – and all you can do left is stand. That is enough.”
- https://thir.st/blog/stay-where-you-are-even-if-you-cant-find-jesus-tyshone-roland-at-fopx-go-conference/

"Once we take hold of our God-given identity, we need to yield fully to His call and purpose. To surrender fully to God’s call is to withhold nothing and allow Him to take and use our lives in whatever way He sees fit. This requires us to acknowledge that our strength comes from God alone.
The only resource that’s of use to us is being close to the Father."
- https://thir.st/blog/fopx-making-2020-your-year-of-the-impossible/

lest I forget

I've a loving family..loving relatives who care (it's just that I don't really tell them how I really feel hah)..though we might not meet much..these are blessings that not everyone has..

Haha lately it seems I've been reminded of what I'm good at/ my positive traits by others (who do it unknowingly)..and thank God for these reminders cause I've been thinking actually does it really matter if I'm here or not hahaa okay I know it sounds morbid but just putting my honest thoughts out here okay & cause one of the things that has been on my mind is that I'm a v boring person cause I hardly travel but I guess it's because past travel exp have shown me that I don't necessarily feel happier overseas; I have felt my happiest and most relaxed in SG and hence don't see the need to travel..haha it's possible that I see the most beautiful scenery/ go somewhere I've always wanted to go to and yet not feel happy and that'd be a shame right haha guess there's an element of fear there..cause been there done that..mmmm unearthing the feelings that made me the way I am......

Anyway, the reminders have been:

- gamemaster

- don't take plastic bags when I dabao/ buy groceries

- can converse in dialect

- gentle (in my grandfather's eyes ah..hahha which surprised me kinda cause the incident which happened in 2015 def didn't give that impression haha but I guess this again shows that it's really possible to put smth big behind completely and not harbour any negative feelings towards the people involved)

- enjoy coding/ learnt how to code on my own..enjoy creating and figuring out how things work

Thank You God for reminding me that I am special.. :')

🌪️

https://twloha.com/blog/untimely-depression-and-the-guilt-that-goes-along-with-it/

Wah..so I'm not alone..

- those who've (overly) high expectations of themselves/ are perfectionists are the ones most prone to depression

- mental health >>>> impt than physical health..if I had to choose, I'd rather be mentally healthy than physically healthy..

- if there's any +ve that came out of these 2 years, it's that I truly understand what it's like..

Honestly haven't really been okay.....feels like I made a big mistake I shouldn't have made....and I think it's really when I feel unmotivated that the mistakes abound.. :(((((( may God's grace abound in this time too.........

I'm so sorry God.......don't even know how I'm gonna move on from here.......only You can..

---
His answer to me..in an article I came across..

My grace is sufficient for you. — 2 Corinthians 12:9

Whatever you face — temptations, trials, opposition — God will give you His grace, and His grace will be sufficient for you to overcome.

+

Read smth I wrote in my notes last Apr..

"When you don't do it, just come back to Me and know my love once again. Don't fret (be constantly or visibly anxious) about it."

PLUS I don't need to worry "for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill His good purpose." — Philippians 2:13

As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;  for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.
- Psalm 103:13‭-‬14 NIV

Dear God, help me act wisely (and courageously).

"Like a shepherd, the Lord longs to protect you, provide for you, guide you, rescue you, and comfort you..

Our good Shepherd longs to have His goodness and love… follow [us] all the days of [our] life. — Psalm 23:6" 💛

- https://www.faithgateway.com/the-hope-of-jesus

🎢

Yes, yes it's possible.

To go all the way down, and then go high up, and then down again......but it can go up again..! Life's a rollercoasterrrrr.

Think 2018 & 2019 = years of trial and error.

"Don't let failure go to your heart and don't let success go to your head"

Dear God, help me remember this. On the bright side, good to learn this (first part last year, 2nd part this year) early on. Haha painful lessons for both but yeah probably necessary for the future.

---
Changes the past few months:
- no longer think people can be categorized by MBTI

- no longer have the desire to go to Somalia......& thus...

(fighting against my own ambivalence)

- no longer feel the need to have 1 rest day where I don't go out at all?? In fact I can't remember when I last stayed home the entire day without feeling bored at all......

---
"Every master was once a beginner"

Beginner's mindset!

"Love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you. Not the worst."

Amen. Dear God, help me do it again, this time, with so much more self-control than before. With Your wisdom and grace. Let anger, bitterness, doubt and pride not take root no matter what happens.

"There are those who think themselves called to humility by the Christian faith, and by this understand that to mean adopting a life of oppression, humiliation, and suffering. There are those who think that because they are called to be humble, they must remain under the rule of violent and oppressive spouses, bosses, and rulers, who think that anything but demure self-effacement is to violate their calling to humility.

But this is not humility!"

Lesson to learn.....hmmmmm..

----
Something must be wrong if the fluctuations happen way too often..right? I wish I'm stronger than this..but smth in me tells me that I've already been so strong.........I'm just tired..haha I think I've been so impatient with myself..Just keep picking at the wound that hasn't healed..it takes time...it takes time.....

----
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Matthew 5:5 NIV

"..a conflict in which an individual is unable to control or influence circumstances. Typical human responses in such circumstances include frustration, bitterness, or anger, but the one who is guided by God's spirit accepts God's ability to direct events (Gal 5:23 ; Eph 4:2 ; Col 3:12 ; 1 Tim 6:11 ; Titus 3:2 ; James 1:21 ; 3:13). Meekness is therefore an active and deliberate acceptance of undesirable circumstances that are wisely seen by the individual as only part of a larger picture.

Meekness is not a resignation to fate, a passive and reluctant submission to events, for there is little virtue in such a response."

But the fruit of the Spirit [the result of His presence within us] is love [unselfish concern for others], joy, [inner] peace, patience [not the ability to wait, but how we act while waiting], kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature together with its passions and appetites. If we [claim to] live by the [Holy] Spirit, we must also walk by the Spirit [with personal integrity, godly character, and moral courage—our conduct empowered by the Holy Spirit]. We must not become conceited, challenging or provoking one another, envying one another.

---

To feel excited waking up each morning - that must have been a luxury. Because up until now, I miss it so much. It was me for the first 4 months this year. And then it left. And I keep trying..trying..and trying to "get it back" but to no avail..and now I realise..it's not "normal" because most people don't feel that way......most days. And so I shouldn't expect so much......it's normal not to feel excited every day. It's completely normal. Don't push yourself so hard...just to recreate that feeling....feelings are deceptive......I'm just blessed to have had it for that period of time. Tho I really do miss having such a strong sense of purpose......God help me move on......can't go on like this......

Grace

"Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God."
2 Corinthians 3:5 NIV

"I know I'm filled to be emptied again"...

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit [through factional motives, or strife], but with [an attitude of] humility [being neither arrogant nor self-righteous], regard others as more important than yourselves. Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this same attitude in yourselves which was in Christ Jesus [look to Him as your example in selfless humility], who, although He existed in the form and unchanging essence of God [as One with Him, possessing the fullness of all the divine attributes—the entire nature of deity], did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped or asserted [as if He did not already possess it, or was afraid of losing it]; but emptied Himself [without renouncing or diminishing His deity, but only temporarily giving up the outward expression of divine equality and His rightful dignity] by assuming the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men [He became completely human but was without sin, being fully God and fully man].
PHILIPPIANS 2:3‭-‬7 AMP

"Amazing Grace, How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me"..

How can I claim to know of God's grace unless I demonstrate it myself? - question I've been asking myself. Dear God, help me live a life that shows Your grace.

---

爱了就别伪装
迷失了也别彷徨
不管未来怎样
你都要保持坚强

如果明天你的心
依然还在流浪
我愿意承受这份爱
陪着你
打造一片天地

我的世界从此以后多了一个你
每天都是一出戏
无论情节浪漫或多离奇
这主角
是你

我的世界从此以后多了一个你
有时天晴有时雨
阴天时候我会告诉你
我爱你
胜过彩虹的美丽

#Daddyslove :')

Carry Me, Daddy

Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and my inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all to feed them all

I often think about that boy when I'm feeling small
And I worry that the work I do means nothing at all

But every single tear I cry is a diamond in His hands
And every door that slams in my face, I will offer up in prayer

So I'll give you every breath that I have
Oh Lord, you can work miracles
All that you need is my "Amen"

So take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and my inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
I hope it's not too small

Passion over all

🎆🌻

Living with God

 "While I am here, I will be a child at home with my God; the whole world shall be his house to me; and when I ascend into the upper chamber I shall not change my company, nor even change the house; I shall only go to dwell in the upper storey of the house of the Lord forever."