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Yes, yes it's possible.

To go all the way down, and then go high up, and then down again......but it can go up again..! Life's a rollercoasterrrrr.

Think 2018 & 2019 = years of trial and error.

"Don't let failure go to your heart and don't let success go to your head"

Dear God, help me remember this. On the bright side, good to learn this (first part last year, 2nd part this year) early on. Haha painful lessons for both but yeah probably necessary for the future.

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Changes the past few months:
- no longer think people can be categorized by MBTI

- no longer have the desire to go to Somalia......& thus...

(fighting against my own ambivalence)

- no longer feel the need to have 1 rest day where I don't go out at all?? In fact I can't remember when I last stayed home the entire day without feeling bored at all......

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"Every master was once a beginner"

Beginner's mindset!

"Love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you. Not the worst."

Amen. Dear God, help me do it again, this time, with so much more self-control than before. With Your wisdom and grace. Let anger, bitterness, doubt and pride not take root no matter what happens.

"There are those who think themselves called to humility by the Christian faith, and by this understand that to mean adopting a life of oppression, humiliation, and suffering. There are those who think that because they are called to be humble, they must remain under the rule of violent and oppressive spouses, bosses, and rulers, who think that anything but demure self-effacement is to violate their calling to humility.

But this is not humility!"

Lesson to learn.....hmmmmm..

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Something must be wrong if the fluctuations happen way too often..right? I wish I'm stronger than this..but smth in me tells me that I've already been so strong.........I'm just tired..haha I think I've been so impatient with myself..Just keep picking at the wound that hasn't healed..it takes time...it takes time.....

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Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Matthew 5:5 NIV

"..a conflict in which an individual is unable to control or influence circumstances. Typical human responses in such circumstances include frustration, bitterness, or anger, but the one who is guided by God's spirit accepts God's ability to direct events (Gal 5:23 ; Eph 4:2 ; Col 3:12 ; 1 Tim 6:11 ; Titus 3:2 ; James 1:21 ; 3:13). Meekness is therefore an active and deliberate acceptance of undesirable circumstances that are wisely seen by the individual as only part of a larger picture.

Meekness is not a resignation to fate, a passive and reluctant submission to events, for there is little virtue in such a response."

But the fruit of the Spirit [the result of His presence within us] is love [unselfish concern for others], joy, [inner] peace, patience [not the ability to wait, but how we act while waiting], kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature together with its passions and appetites. If we [claim to] live by the [Holy] Spirit, we must also walk by the Spirit [with personal integrity, godly character, and moral courage—our conduct empowered by the Holy Spirit]. We must not become conceited, challenging or provoking one another, envying one another.

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To feel excited waking up each morning - that must have been a luxury. Because up until now, I miss it so much. It was me for the first 4 months this year. And then it left. And I keep trying..trying..and trying to "get it back" but to no avail..and now I realise..it's not "normal" because most people don't feel that way......most days. And so I shouldn't expect so much......it's normal not to feel excited every day. It's completely normal. Don't push yourself so hard...just to recreate that feeling....feelings are deceptive......I'm just blessed to have had it for that period of time. Tho I really do miss having such a strong sense of purpose......God help me move on......can't go on like this......