When I don't "feel" Christian

Never let me go.
Never let me go.

Times when I feel like..I'm not as close to God..when I don't feel what I sing during praise and worship..like today..is God not there? Definitely not..so I was asking..where are You..where am I..

And God was (still is) carrying me..when I can't see God..maybe that's cause I'm being lifted..

So..never let me go God..despite whatever I feel/ think..

And train of thought #2:

What gives me comfort when I don't feel like I'm behaving like a Christian is how God knows me..completely. He knows every fear, every struggle..He knows my humanness. And He understands.

"I know you." - and that's enough.

Hi

So..this is strange. I don't usually do this haha but..I think I'm realizing how important personal stories are..not for my own sake but for others..(which kind of explains why I recently revived my dead IG haha surprise surprise! But also cause I felt like I needed to record that moment..cause like what I told a friend who knows how it's so uncharacteristic of me to post, "it's not gonna happen again..I'm never gonna have a final moment of my last summer break again 😢" hahahaha #dramaizme)

The link that I put on my IG profile is ymi.today haha in hopes that it'd lead people who randomly encounter my private profile to a place where they'd find their questions to life answered (cause..I've learnt that..the question everyone has but no one really bothers talking about is.."What's my purpose in life?")

But today..I'm gonna change it. To this blog. Cause a website like ymi is helpful but it's not gonna connect with y'all the same way my own stories would (not cause I'm better than the writers on that site but simply cause it's just different when you know the writer of what you're reading vs when you don't). I came across a blog today and was just reminded of..how I used to write like that on this blog..how I used to share my life through this space..and I guess over time..I withdrew because I got scared. I don't like sharing too much with too many people and that's the reason I hardly ever post personal stuff on my social media accounts. When this blogging thing started, you had to click on people's links to read what they had to say. So people had a choice. But now every post (on IG/FB) just pops out at you (i.e. inyoface lol) when you scroll through your feed and..haha I just feel uncomfortable making people go through what I share in that way..(cause what if they don't want to? What if they don't like it? Haha insecurities101)

But here's me. Haha and my dusty blog. Not sure who's gonna read this (other than the close few I might share this with) but thank God IG has this bio link option so..I feel better you're here by choice and not because you've to read this on your feed heh

So much to say (things I've been thinking about/ learning) but..right now at this moment..my thought is: why does time pass so quickly?? Wanted to work on my FYP but..haha the day is ending soon?? Too fast God..too fast. But thank You. For the fact that I'm even able to type this despite whatever I'm supposed to do. For helping me see the bigger perpsective.

So..to the world. Let's go. Link's gonna be up and welcome to my world.

P.S. dayre.me/sandrainbow for where I had been writing online the past few years (I guess writers never really quit writing haha we just find different platforms too do it heh) okay just went to read what I wrote hahahaha I'm so sorry it's gonna be so real..some of the posts are pure angst some superficial some talking about insignificant stuff and some reflective hahaha but okay doubt anyone will stalk everything soooo here it is!

JC study resources

Haha wah haven't updated this space in almost a year!! Haha so I was looking through my bookmark folders and checking if the links are still working..probably should have shared them long ago but..looks like those around me didn't need them hahaha anyway here are some of the websites I found useful during JC that are still functional!! :)

Math
https://collegemath.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/mf-15.pdf - online MF15 for easy ref hahaha

Chemistry
http://www.chemguide.co.uk - super useful! It was my go-to whenever I couldn't understand what was taught in school hahaha

http://www.chembuddy.com/?left=pH-calculation-questions&right=pH-of-mixture-q1

http://www.sparknotes.com/chemistry/acidsbases/phcalc/section1.html

Biology
http://highered.mcgraw-hill.com/sites/dl/free/0072437316/120060/ravenanimation.html - "View full color, dynamic animations to help you visualize key biological processes.

You have the ability to control the animation by turning on or off the narration, playing the animation with or without text, and can start, stop, or rewind the animation to any point you choose."

http://www.jci.org/articles/view/20800#SEC2

General Paper (GP)
http://unpan1.un.org/intradoc/groups/public/documents/APCITY/UNPAN002726.pdf

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/18/technology/18link.html?_r=1&ex=1361163600&en=7e1482fcbf01bc65&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

Technology was a common essay question topic so yup haha hope all these are useful to you if you happen to find this page!! :)

Did God plan everything?

God planned everything. Maybe our mistakes were planned so that we would see that we need Him cause if we are perfect, we wouldn't need God. And because we'll always make mistakes, we'll always need Him and it is through this need that we would know Him and be able to tell others that He's the one they need too. (our life purpose! =D)

• “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”
  ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭139:16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

• “We may throw the dice, but the LORD determines how they fall.”
  ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭16:33‬ ‭NLT‬‬

• “A man's mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure."
  Proverbs‬ ‭16:9‬ ‭AMP‬

• “A person’s steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand their own way?”
  Proverbs‬ ‭20:24‬ ‭NIV‬‬

• “Lord, I know that people’s lives are not their own; it is not for them to direct their steps.”
  ‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭10:23‬ ‭NIV‬‬

"God has told us that He is in charge of the world - and everyone and everything in it.  God is running everything in this universe according to His will – not ours." We gotta remember it's all about Him, not about us.

“The Lord works out everything to its proper end — even the wicked for a day of disaster.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭16:4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory.”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭1:11-12‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“For we are God's [own] handiwork (His workmanship), recreated in Christ Jesus, [born anew] that we may do those good works which God predestined (planned beforehand) for us [taking paths which He prepared ahead of time], that we should walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live].”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭2:10‬ ‭AMP‬‬

“[Not in your own strength] for it is God Who is all the while effectually at work in you [energizing and creating in you the power and desire], both to will and to work for His good pleasure and satisfaction and delight.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭2:13‬ ‭AMP‬‬

“When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.””
‭‭John‬ ‭11:4‬ ‭NIV‬‬  

For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. 

Colossians 1:16 NIV

"How can God tell us to “be anxious for nothing” (Phil 4:6) unless He not only knows, but is in control of, everything that is going to happen to us?" :)

Read more: http://www.gotquestions.org/God-is-in-control.html

God is a super detailed God!
He gave very specific instructions and measurements to Noah on how to build the ark (Gen 6:14-16) and to Moses on how to build His sanctuary (Exodus 25-30)! And these are just a few of the specific things God has said.

correction: not knowing where he was going (Heb 11:8)














Read more:
http://www.goodnewsaboutgod.com/studies/spiritual/home_study/plan_of_salavation.htm

Agree with most of the content except the free will part haha just cause it makes sense to us (because of our finite minds) that we have no free will because God planned everything doesn't mean we have no free will. It's just that we cannot comprehend how God's plan and our free will tie in together. :) But then again, only God knows the right answer! Haha but whatever the case it shouldn't affect my view of God cause I know my need for God > my need for logic/my need to be correct

Faith and works?
Things are actually very simple. God just wants us to trust Him. When you trust a friend, you'd do what your friend tells you to do. So, we don't have to worry about our works. Just concentrate on trusting God and we will naturally do what He says ☺

My Hamster Log

It's so crazy to think that just 11 weeks back they were so tiny..hahaha i still remember how I checked on them so often that I thought the mum would probably be really annoyed with me so I prayed very hard that she wouldn't eat any of them hahaha and thank God for answering prayers!! The first prayer I prayed when I got them was that all of them would stay alive hahaha the first 2 weeks was fine - except that I'd spend so much time looking at them that I wouldn't do anything at all lol and things got pretty stressful after the 3 week mark cause that's when they started squabbling and I saw the mother fighting with her kids!! So I found my old cage, took out the babies that I saw being attacked by their mum but omgoodness tried so many different combinations of hamsters but ended up having to separate all the children from their mother hahaha i think their mum was sick of them asking for milk all the time and probably cause the cage was too small so it could have been a territorial problem since the hamsters were growing bigger and needed their own space!

DID YOU KNOW?
- HAMSTERS NEED AT LEAST 360 SQ INCHES OF FLOOR SPACE IN THEIR CAGE?
- STORAGE BOXES MAKE GREAT CAGES FOR HAMSTERS BECAUSE THEY ARE SPACIOUS ENOUGH
- THE CAGES AND THE WHEELS YOU SEE IN PET SHOPS ARE WAY TOO SMALL FOR HAMSTERS

And I've never ever read up so much on hamsters in my life until that period of time lol and now I know what I did wrong with my previous ones!! Poor things had cages which were way too small for them!! Lol at one point I thought, I'm reading more about hamsters than my own schoolwork!! Lol really crazy. I was also so paranoid that I didn't get their genders right and they would breed again. And when one of my females looked really big compared to the rest I was so worried that she was pregnant lol but after waiting out the gestation period, there were no babies so I concluded that she's just really chubby hahaha

Hamster woes:
I have 5 hamsters at home now and the only reason I have them is cause my dad's friend decided not to take care of them after the mother hamster gave birth so my dad brought all of them to me in a container. Sigh looking for new homes cause the babies are getting bigger and can't stay in a small cage anymore. Plus I feel the need to play with them after 12am cause that's the time they are awake. Plus hamster bedding and food is expensive and cleaning so many cages every 2 weeks is tiring so I really really need someone to take them :(

Another reason I don't wanna keep any of them is cause based on past experiences I'd feel super horrible when my hamster dies. I took 2 weeks to get over the death of my last one :( and I get super worried whenever I notice anything wrong with it. Cannot imagine this feeling multiplied by 5. Just kill me already if it happens. Haha
--
Update: managed to give another 2 away so I was left with just 3 after that..but sadly one of them (my favourite one) went missing recently..sigh I pray it's in a better place now!!

“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.”
- Kurt Vonnegut

Perhaps..Valentine's, Christmas..days where people are generally happier and you can really feel a lighter atmosphere in the air..these days are better because everyone is being nice to one another. Season of love, season of giving..how nice it'd be if everyone is like that everyday..how nice if I feel so loved everyday that I would always feel like passing it on..

I feel really bad for treating people badly. I'm sorry. It's because I'm not feeling that good myself..people who are hurt tend to hurt others unintentionally because they are hurt themselves..and the only way is for someone else to take away the hurt..but I'm thankful..and I'm gonna say this although somehow whenever I say something is good/ I'm okay, things go the other way round..as if I'm not allowed to say good things..

Anyway..thankful for that pat on my shoulder today..thankful for that prayer..thankful for a listening ear..thankful that I don't have to share what I don't wanna share..oh and..thankful for that message..which was really unexpected..which I'd have completely missed because I haven't been checking social media much these days..and unexpected encouragement from the most unexpected person does seem to be able to make you feel unexpectedly better..so thank God for it.

Thank you. Because things really do seem pretty bleak when you're tired and feel like you're losing/ have lost faith in humanity.

Circumstances can really change your perspective of life. I pray for a positive perspective of life even when the going gets tough..I pray for my spirit to be light even when things threaten to weigh me down..I pray to be able to love people even when I don't feel the same from them..I pray to always have hope no matter how many times I get disappointed..so that I can always love those around me..

Things will get better..things will always get better..cause if it's not okay..it's not the end. :)

LOVE LOVE LOVEEEEEEE

/Pretty sure I'm not going through this cause I need to relate to someone but because of my own choices..haha but it's cool if God uses this experience just so someone else would feel better and won't feel as alone as I did..I wish I can tell everyone that if they ever need a listening ear for anything..I'll be there cause I know how horrible it is not to have one. But the irony is..maybe I don't really wanna hear everyone out..because maybe part of what someone says has got to do with me..but okay la that's just one person and I guess he just has to find someone else to pour out his heart to la haha..but I really feel that..it is when people pour their hearts out..when people are vulnerable that I feel like we're all human and we all just really need someone..

Ah God..it's really not easy to be nice to someone who has hurt you like crazy..emotions can overwhelm you..and make you forget the bigger picture..that's when you need friends to remind you of the bigger picture..when I think of how short life is..then it's like "aiya..whatever la..don't wanna be angry or anything also.." but honestly..it's just not that easy..it's never that easy..but God..I pray You'll just give me joy and strength every day to face life..so I can continue to be an encouragement to people..haha

And if I might just be a bit more demanding, can I pray also for more unexpected encouragement from people? Haha I didn't realise how much it'd impact me until I experienced it..and I also pray for more ears that listen maybe? And more importantly, I pray that I won't take these people for granted and will be able to do the same for them when they need one.

Help me to focus on the positive things of people..help me to remember the good they've done..thank You God..thank You God..

TIME TO SHOWER! =D

/Oh oh before I forget, I just wanna say that I love reading other people's blogs when I can relate to them especially when I'm not feeling good cause I feel like I'm not alone in it hahaha

HAHAHA OMGOSH JOKE..IRONY OF THE DAY
Please look at what I wrote in 2011..
"oh yea and I had this thought earlier on - so many girls put all their hopes in their relationship. And end up feeling insecure and confused..even though they keep trying to tell themselves that it'll all work out, and even though they do have happy moments with their boyfriends, I seriously think that such times are just temporal..I've seen so many of such examples..and I never ever wanna be like them! I wanna put all of hope in God and God alone! =D Cause God's the only one who will never ever fail you. That's why it's so important to have a close relationship with God! =D"

Hahahahaa ironic that I ended up being the kind of girl I didn't wanna be..HAHA JOKEEEE..I'm sorry for judging you all 3 years ago!! I now know how hard it is NOT to fall into that trap even with a stable relationship with God..hahaha what a lesson learnt the hard way! See what I mean when I say "somehow whenever I say something is good/ I'm okay, things go the other way round..as if I'm not allowed to say good things"..hahahaha joke if I'm using my phone now I think this warrants a lot of the laugh cry emoji!!

And it's weird how I saw that cause my tagboard is so dead that when I scroll through old messages I still can see those sent in 2011 hahaha

Hahahaha I'm still here. Forgot to say something I usually say at the end of every blog post!! God bless, take care & byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! =D okay REALLY GONNA BATHE NOW! Hahaha

Bangkok Trip!

Haha I thought I better write down everything I want to before I forget!! So here goes!!

There was so much to thank God for!! 

Including the good weather which was better than I expected!! Haha though there were slight drizzles, it didn't really dampen our mood! =D and also, none of us fell sick or got a stomachache from eating too much food!! Hahaha oh yea and thank God for providing the strength and energy we needed even though we were so tired from the lack of sleep!! It's really amazing how I managed to wake up so early (6/7am) when I would be waking up at 11plus before the trip hahaha so yea really thank God I survived!! 🎉🎉🎉 and last but not least, thank God we didn't get robbed or anything!! =D

Oh yea along the way because I felt like everything is so surreal and like I'm still in Singapore, I started writing the differences I observed! Haha so apart from the different language, there were:

- Tuk tuk!!

Honestly one of the best parts of the Bangkok trip hahaha wished it could have gone faster though!! Love feeling the wind in my hair hahaha 🍃

- Pink cabs

Haha you'd see them everywhere! Such a bright and cheery colour! :)

- Food court card

In every food court you HAVE to use the card!! Lol I was so stumped the first time when I handed cash to the stallholder and she gestured at somewhere else and said "card!" Haha

- Tissue box on every (eating) table! =D

Love it! So convenient! Haha and good for lazy people like me hahaha and it wasn't just in the food courts! You'd find them even on the streets as long as the stall is selling food and there are tables around! 😄👍

- Floating market!

Haha so nice buying and eating food on the boat as you go along the market!! Really cool experience!! =D

- No proper bus terminals

Haha we just stood at some random spots to wait for the bus! No bus shelter, no seats, no signs, no indication that it was a bus stop at all at some places!! Haha I'm still amazed that the locals know exactly where the bus stops are even though the system is so disorganized! Haha

- Bus conductors instead of ezlink card system!

So cool and old-school! Haha they would give you paper tickets just like how SG used to do it in the 80s!!

- BTS system! The card and token!

Haha yea like I mentioned the transport system is disorganized and not uniform!! So unlike Singapore, you don't use a single card for all your transport needs to get around the country! They use the card at some stations and a little round red token at some others! And instead of tapping your token to get out of the station, you'd have to slot it into the machine when you get off! Haha pretty interesting! :)

- No "dividers" for seats on the train from airport!

Haha I thought it's a pretty clever way to maximize space! But I was told it wouldn't work in Singapore cause people would complain of others sitting too close to them and it would increase opportunities for chee ko peks to prey on young girls 😪 haha oh well!!

Haha yea that's about it!! Haha quite tired now cause we all woke up early everyday so we could explore more places haha and I woke up early again today for the June camp! But thank God I managed to take a nap in the afternoon so it isn't too bad!

Haha yup so God bless, take care and byeeeeeeeeeeeee!! =D

Memories to treasure always

Was packing my stuff and I realised I'm so, so blessed. More than I can ever imagine.

My mum did this handmade card/booklet for me for my 6th birthday and took special effort to put captions for every single picture she printed. If I didn't remember wrongly she said her colleagues helped to do some of the drawings. Sweet daooooo..

Looks like I started being a grammar nazi at a really young age..look at that comma! Hahaha must have been thinking that there should be a comma somewhere but I wasn't sure where so I just placed it in the middle hahahaa

Hahahaha super funny I was trying to name all the characters I saw in the booklet but it looks like I got them all wrong!

My mummy is so awesome..!!

I also found this card my maid made for me when I was 12..super touching really..God has really used people around me to speak to me..such words of wisdom..thank you so much Aunty!! Yes indeed..9 years on, God is still the one guiding and helping me to make my dreams come true :')

THANK YOU GOD FOR PLACING PEOPLE IN MY LIFE WHO LOVE ME!!

So yesterday I taught the P5 and 6 about flexibility..using Barak and Deborah's story..in which case, Barak was the inflexible one because he wasn't flexible and didn't really want to obey God..but honestly, if I could teach it again, I would tell the kids that sometimes we are ALL like Barak..and they don't have to beat themselves up for being like him..cause it feels kind of hypocritical that I'm telling them it's wrong to have such an attitude when I'm sometimes like that also..

The thing is, if we are so perfect, we wouldn't need God.

Just a few moments ago, I caught myself thinking of a "what if"..and realised how similar it is to yesterday's story..actually Barak didn't want to obey God because he was afraid..actually come to think of it..that sounds a lot like Jonah..who ran away haha well the Bible is full of characters who are real..and who are just like us. Deep inside, we humans haven't changed much since the start of time..have we haha we still have our fears and insecurities..and we all want to be loved.

But anyway, my "what if" wasn't to doubt something God commanded me to do..there are just some things I'm not sure about cause I'm not sure what God thinks of it! Oh well!

Update!

Wowowow. It's been really long since I last updated! Well..it's crazy but true: 2013 is coming to an end..lots of thoughts on my mind but I thought it'd be good to see what my schedule looks like this holidays! (YESSSS MY FIRST SEM IN NIE HAS ENDED WOOHOOOO)

27 (Wed): Dental appointment - FINALLY THIS. It's been more than 2 months since I last went!! Omgoodness..couldn't find an appropriate date cause my dentist went on a holiday..okay long story but yea finally gonna fix my teeth!! I REALLY PRAY THE GAPS CLOSE REALLY SOON..HOPEFULLY BEFORE MY 21ST!! Hahahaa would be a really nice present!! Cause they've been there for so long!!

28: NIE Crusade Gathering!

29: Unify Leaders Meeting!

30: P6 Outing!

2 Dec: Dry Run for Minion Camp

4: Prepare materials for camp!

5-6: Minion Rush Camp!!

12-14: Camp Unify! =D

25: CHRISTMAS!! YAYYY hahaha

Okay la currently it's like that! =D I'm recovering from a really bad sore throat and cough now (haha I lost my voice after my exam!!) so thank God!!! Honestly I've got a lot to thank God for..for being with me throughout the entire semester..I actually had a really bad stomachache during my Math paper and couldn't think straight but somehow all I felt was God's peace after the paper..like everything will be okay and God's gonna take care of my results so I've nothing to fear! =D Hahaha it's crazy but there were really a number of questions I couldn't do because of all the pain and tiredness I was feeling but yea God's in control!! And I wanna thank God also for the people who were with me throughout..for bearing with how crazy I could sometimes be..all my angst and what not on days I don't get enough sleep..these people are really God-sent! =D

Recently there has been a lot of articles circulating around on FB regarding relationships like "20 things to look out for in a husband" or something and honestly I've read some of them..on first glance it seems really harmless..I mean if you're single and would like to get married someday some of it is really good advice but as I came across more and more of such articles, I think it isn't really healthy for me to read them because 1, I end up having expectations and that adds stress to the other party in a relationship and 2, (which is what I thought of today) I realise I've been placing the focus on the wrong relationship..I should be working on my relationship with God! I really have to get this drilled into my heart and head: when I focus on my relationship with God, the other relationships in my life would fall into place. So yea 3, because they distract me from what is truly important.

You know something? Wrong priorities lead to cracks in relationships. When you keep your eye on the wrong destination, things go wrong. Things may seem really good on the surface but in reality, it's not a bed of roses, not at all. It's like you're supposed to climb a tree but if you keep looking at the ground and STAYING on the ground, you're not gonna achieve the goal.

Haha okay that paragraph sounds really vague but I guess it was more for myself..okay gonna end abruptly haha God bless, take care & byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! =D

Lessons learnt

• NEVER, EVER go to a printing shop to print something. Today I had to print a coupon from Groupon and I paid $1.40 for just one page. $1 for using the internet and 40 cents for the printing.
• YES something is wrong with my printer. My computer hasn't been detecting my printer for some time and this problem has caused me a lot of trouble. Had to print a lot of stuff at school when previously I could just print them at home!! Seriously, if you have no problem printing stuff at home, be glad!
• On a happier note, 399 said he'll be coming to pass me a new printer USB cable so I'm really hoping that it'll solve the problem!!

Sunnyside

Found a new song that I love a lot!! Here are the lyrics! =D

Begin where it ends, end to begin
Knock on that door so you can get in
And don’t mind the time, forget all that’s been

Get lost in a park, find a tree that will last
Find a secret path that leads to a house
Climb the stairs to the roof, lay flat on your back

No use feeling down, get rid of that frown
Take a walk on the sunnyside
Take a walk on the sunnyside of

Wash up in a stream, let it take you away
Through forests and seas, wherever it may
Fill up the space with your own melodies
And every once in a while when you miss the breeze
Just look at the scars marking your knees
And know that again now is where it’s at

No use feeling down, get rid of that frown
Take a walk on the sunnyside
Take a walk on the sunnyside of town

But when the clouds come closing in
You feel the raindrops on your skin
Let it pour, let it be okay
Until you know another sunny day

No use feeling down, get rid of that frown
Take a walk on the sunnyside
Take a walk on the sunnyside of town
Take a walk on the sunnyside of town

Me taking a walk on the sunnyside! Was initially feeling rather down until I heard this song!

God bless, take care & byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! =D

Things to thank God for in this week.. =D

No Monday blues! - longest day but I felt happy at the end of the day! =D 

and thank God I wore shorts!! Cause the weather was so hot so it felt a lot better wearing shorts! Usually I wear track pants! Haha

LJ to Healthzone - had to split my class into two because there were 3 classes going but only 2 buses and when I split my class, a lot of my students actually wanted to follow me and a few of the girls even cried because they couldn't..at that point of time even though they were feeling sad and everything I suddenly felt very appreciated because I know I've built rapport with them..

And it was really relaxed that day!!

My cute little ones that I look forward to seeing everyday!! I actually have one girl who will look out for me every single day and the first thing she says to me would be "I've finally found you!" As if I've been long for a very long time hahaha

Friday - READERS THEATRE IS OVER!! So happy!! =D really relaxed also!! Only had less than 1 hour with my class! Cause of the performances!! Felt quite bad because i promised my students that there would be math quiz! And some of them even asked to go back to class and they were asking about the math quiz!! Haha =D

So it was very relaxing!

Kit Kat!! =D

I really love my class!! =D and every week I'm counting down..feels like such a short time already!! I'll miss them!

Saturday - really fulfilling because I took a boy who is supposedly hard to handle and he is actually very motivated to do the tests!! =D

And I spent a good time with my family celebrating my papa's 50th birthday! Thank God for my crazy family! We played an arcade game together even papa!!

Sunday - really thank God cause I didn't really get a good sleep last night and I was quite tired but during service I suddenly felt a lot better praising God!! =D =D and after writing all the things that I wanna thank God for in this week! =D

I realized I have been working myself too hard!

I realized I have been working myself too hard! No wonder so tired! So from next week onwards change strategy! =D

I followed the scheme of work quite closely! Which means after I teach a topic, I just go on to the next one. Even though I do go through corrections with them in class, they don't do their corrections and some even do them wrongly!! So now a lot of them have a lot of corrections undone/ wrong corrections (aiyo) so now I 拼命 make them do corrections/re-corrections whenever I can: during assembly, when I see them before school, during MT (which is the only time when I'm free!!)..haha yea..tiring lor!! Practically no break at all for the whole day..

Lesson: NEVER ever move on to the next topic until ALL corrections for the current topic is done. Must check thoroughly cause sometimes they do but do wrongly!! Lol face palm! My students very blur!

SOOOO my strategy is gonna change!! Thought of something!! Practice makes perfect right?? So I'm gonna print a lot a lot of drill worksheets for them!! Then make them do and do!! No need to do corrections for this one. It's just to make them practice and let me see where their standard is. Then will give prizes for correct answers! =D ANDDDD during this time, I'll take a student out to do corrections!! =D cause the rest of the class will be concentrating on their quiz right? So yea! Conducive environment for one-to-one! =D

A lot of students with a lot of corrections = Stressed and cranky teacher!!

And I'm not gonna be like that already!! Yup thank God for this idea!! =D God I pray that You'll help and enable me to manage my class well!! And I pray that with this, they will really improve!! =D AND GOD I PRAY THEY WILL BE ALERT IN CLASS AND PAY 100% ATTENTION WHENEVER IM GOING THROUGH CORRECTIONS!! No more corrections/re-corrections after this round of clearing their corrections please!! THANK YOU GOD!!!! In Jesus' name I pray, amen! =D

My favourite food!

I don't think I've ever done this but yea..apparently I'm procrastinating really badly now so might as well jot this down for memories' sake haha so here goessss

One thing I can eat everyday:
Brocolli cheese soup from Quiznos!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!! And I haven't had it in a while cause its always sold out by the time I reach the place..haha NOTE TO SELF: buy the ingredients and try to make it myself in the near future!! =D

I LOVEEEEE SOUPS!! Haha just thought of another one: my grandma used to cook this potato and carrot soup which was sooooo good!! I'm hungry just thinking about it!! The carrots and the potatoes are really soft and the soup itself is really tasty I have no idea what else she puts in it!! Haha it just warms my tummy and makes me feel really contented haha =D

AND AND mushroom soup!! Not too creamy/rich and definitely not diluted! Yum yum yummmmm haha

What I love to eat:
- fried beehoon with hot dog!! =D for breakfast usually! =D
- the grilled fish spaghetti from KouFu!! The fish is super soft and they always give a lot of spaghetti!! And it's $5.80!! Really worth it!! =D
- grilled sausage with Rosti at Buddy hoagies/ Marche!! Love Rosti!! =D
- EGGS haha especially omelettes! Minced meat with egg is probably my favourite kind!! =D
- Japanese tofu/ 铁板豆腐!! I think they are the same thing right?? Love how its so soft!! =D
- favorite burgers from McDonald's: filet o fish and the teppanyaki chicken McGrill!! =D
- CHEESE FRIES!! =D
- Mashed potato from Popeyes!! Their mashed potato is probably their best selling point! Haha only they have that kind of mashed potato!!
- CHICKEN NUGGETS!! Hahaha =D
- OH OH MY FAVOURITE FROM HOT TOMATO: THE ROSEMARY CHICKEN!! The portion is really huge and I actually can polish the whole plate including the mashed potato and vegetables!! =D =D
- NACHOOOSSSS with the delicious cheese to go with..SUPER DUPER YUMZZZZ!!
- Fish bee hoon soup with milk!! =D
- IKEA meatballs!! =D

- FARMERS OMELETTE AT PIQUE NIQUE!! HOW CAN I FORGET!! I WOULD EAT ALLLLL THE VEGGIE ON THE PLATE CAUSE ITS JUST SO GOOD!!

Hahahha okay I think I see a trend!! Basically I love soups, hot dogs, good fish, chicken, eggs, potatoes and cheeseeeeee!! =D

Haha omgosh doing this post is making me feel like eating all the food!! Okay la I guess that's all for now!! Haha God bless, take care and byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! =D

She

She has a reason for everything she likes
She laughs like a child
She dreams of running in an open field
Carefree
Happy
With arms wide open
With eyes closed
Taking in the scent of nature
And the beauty around her
She yearns to impact lives
To make a difference in this world
To be the difference

She has a burden in her heart for the people of Somalia
Especially those innocent children
Started when she read an article in the papers
About their tragic plight
Which they didn't choose to have
Broke her heart

--
Haha had a sudden boost of creative juice to write! Anyway..yes I'm having my March holidays now!! WOOHOO =D

Have been reflecting on how Term 1 went..seriously there were so so so many "milestones" for me! Really gained a lot of experience and learnt a lot from it! =D And during the two days that I went back to school, I realised just how much I love my job and why I love it so much! Holidays are really a good time to get refreshed, recharged and remind yourself of the reason why you wanted to be here in the first place and just how blessed you are to be where you are, to have met who you have met, to have learnt what you have learnt and to be working with the people you're working..it's been fun! =D Really thank God for pulling me through the 10 weeks of Term 1..I've grown. =D

And I'm feeling a little nervous about next week because I'm thinking of doing something radically different and I have not created a really detailed plan on how I'm gonna reintroduce my classroom management plan..but the thing I've thinking of doing is..SMILING.

I REALLY REALLY wanna smile at my students and enjoy my time with them instead of giving them the black face most of the time! And I really pray that they'll gain a lot out of the stuff I've put up over the two days..so that my effort won't be in vain! =D So yup that's basically what I've been thinking about..haha God bless, take care and byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! =D

Today

I wonder if this is start of something really awesome. Today I talked to my class monitor and told him I think he really has the ability to influence the rest of the class which is why I have not replaced him with someone else. And I thank God that he really got it. After that, he started helping me in the class when students started disrupting my lesson! And he really did his work!! Until someone said something unkind about him and he flared up and pulled her chair away, causing her to fall on the floor. After school, I pulled him aside to talk to him and asked him if he knew what he did was wrong and he should apologize to her. And he did. #proudteachermoment. Things like that are what really make me feel accomplished. Not how much of the syllabus I covered, but how much of an impact I actually made. I'm thinking of talking to him again tomorrow to let him know that I really appreciate his help in the class yesterday and that his role is to help me with the class!! And be nice to those that others bully so that the rest will look up to him and respect him! And I know I can count on him! =D

Other things that I did today:
Implemented the consequences again. This time I guessed it went better. However those in timeout didn't really behave much better so I didn't ask if they wanted to join the class. I even had one boy asking if he could go to timeout!! And yes he was supposed to go but I had to separate him from those in timeout because he would talk to them.

Got them to do their FTGP journal at the start of the day!! Yay it finally arrived! It helped them keep quiet because all they needed to do was draw and colour a picture. So yea thank God for that period of peace and calm that I had!! Didn't follow the lesson plan cause there wasn't enough time to..so yup!

Talked to R and asked him how school has been for him so far. And thank God he said good! And then I told him I really appreciate how he tries to tell those around to keep quiet. He didn't really respond though haha hope he understood what I meant! And I also mentioned that I thought of letting him become a junior leader!

Had lesson observation. Thank God!!! Third and last one of this term!! Honestly I was so ill-prepared for it. No idea what got into me these days but I just feel really lethargic and don't feel like doing anything!! But thank God for that awesome colleague who lent me her sweets and helped me to find the math resources during her free period!! Seriously thank God for her!! If not for her help I would have felt really stressed and depressed lol and yea managed to use the resources to teach my lesson today but didn't really follow the "learning targets" procedure la..haha it was so impromptu =X i did share the learning target and showed them incorrect examples and correct examples and at the end, asked them how many understood and know how to draw a model correctly! And 3 of them didnt raise their hands so yea i guess my lesson got through to most of them so thank God! =D thank God it went okay! Except for the boys who became violent all of a sudden! But yea thank God it's overrrrrrrr!! =D

Their tests are coming in 2 weeks time! Wanna ask Mdm S what are the words that will be tested!! And what kind of questions will come out for math! Will problem sums come out?

Anyway I've new ideas and resources!! So many things to do!!
- will get them to do corrections for their math HW books. Those who don't have can do their stellar handwriting book! =D
- I have wooden pegs now!! =D but cannot decorate the class with their work now cause the tests are coming!! Will ask if can put up the total defence artwork!
- and I've got cards with simple words on them!! Can use for English lessons!! Form sentences!! =D
- and also numbers on ice cream sticks! Can use when answering MCQ!! =D

Yup yup okay got to go! Really wanna THANK GOD FOR HIS GRACE AND FOR PULLING ME THROUGH THESE FEW DAYS!!!!!!! =D God bless, take care and byeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! =D

Slow to judge, quick to forgive

"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this:Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to becomeangry" - James 1:19

and tonight I'm reminded again of the importance of beingslow to judge and quick to forgive.

So many things I can link that to..firstly, the note I sawon FB about being Christian and gay..at first it seemed like it's a really huge issue because it generatedmany comments from all kinds of people..but only one thing struck me..thecomment which stated that "The problem here is sin..And all of these sinsequally grieve and hurt God. As humans, we will never be perfect and we willfall into sin." I think he really brought up the crux of thematter..that's the only thing that we should be focusing on..not on whether itis a "right" or "wrong" thing to do..because..simply put, who doesn't sin? Who never struggled with sin? Who is perfect except for God Himself? As said in Romans 3:23, all have fallen short of God's standards. Who are we to judge? Who are we to condemn? And honestly, I admit I was a little judgmental when I first saw the title of the note but part of me was actually more curious to see what the content of the note was..and I don't regret reading it (and the comments) because it made me relearn a very important lesson. Be slow to judge and quick to forgive. It's always better to love than to condemn and I'm happy to see that there are many Christians out there who read the note and responded in love, saying that they'd be praying for the author of the note. That's what God calls us to do and it is the best way to show that we are indeed His children :)

For "no one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us." (1 John 4:12) I think that's what this verse is trying to say..I see God's love perfected in those brothers and sisters in Christ! =D

Also, I thought about the way I handled my class..honestly there is an inner struggle within me whenever I get really angry at them because I know I should not have..I really wanna live out James 1:19 in my classroom and protect all my students' right to learn in a safe and conducive environment!! And I think about how they were really obedient and good on the occasions when I enforced the consequences..and then I feel bad..because I know SCM is right..the problem is not with my students..the problem is with me..and the most troubling thing for me is that I find it difficult to enforce the consequences ALL the time!! Because sometimes students break rules and it doesnt really affect the rest of the class! But I HAVE to do what i said I would do if not I will lose the respect and trust of my students! And things would just get worse..

BUT the thing is..there was once I tried being consistent with my classroom management plan and there were 4 students in time out at the same time!! How can that be?? And there is this student that really does not follow the rules even when I send him to time-out! I have never enforced the 3rd consequence..because I need to get my "sample letter" approved before I can start sending them out..but I thought of an alternative..which is that I'll just call/message the parent but it seems more informal..so I'm not sure how to go about doing it! I guess I can ask Mrs K about the bulletin she gives to her class!

And there are other things on my mind recently: really need to teach them to WALK IN LINE and HAND IN THEIR HOMEWORK ON TIME! I've been receiving late work ever since I started giving homework and that's really not what I want..so yup gotta work on these two areas! And I thank God that it's coming to the end of the week! =D

End of Week 3 and yes I'm still loving my class and I know I'm gonna love it even more when I finally get my classroom management plan up and running seamlessly!! Today's disappointments do not determine tomorrow's story! =D

Yes yes yes Phil 4:13! God is gonna help me to reach that stage! Everything will be good! =D okay God bless, take care & byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! =D have a good week!! =D

I AM A FORM TEACHER!!

WOOHOO!! =D

YES I HAVE A CLASS OF MY OWN NOW!! =D THANK GOD!!!!! =D

AND YES I PLAN ALL THEIR ENGLISH, MATH, PE, SS AND HE LESSONS!! HAHAHA =D

Okay so this is the end of Week 1!! (Last week was admin week so it was considered "Week 0") Started teaching them the curriculum on Monday! =D Whew! Ups and downs but I'd like to think there are more ups than downs!! =D

Soooooo at the end of Week 1..here are some of my thoughts! =D

• I actually really love my class! My 20 kids!! =D Even though I get angry at them when they misbehave and tell them off, I really really think they are a sweet, cute, genuine and smart bunch of kids!! =D
• They do not complain about the consequences I've put in place and neither do they have any when I change their seats all of a sudden! Thank God! =D
• I think I've been trying to incorporate fun into my lessons so that the children will be more engaged in the lesson and thus, be able to absorb the lesson better! =D
• For example, on Monday I let them join 10 cubes to form 1 ten each and we repeated the process until we got a structure of 1000 cubes! =D and on tuesday, I used the flat base ten sets to show them how to represent 3-digit numbers in HTO! Taught them 2 ways then  I got volunteers to come up to write their answers! =D on Wednesday, I used the manipulatives Mdm R lent to me..finally got the right ones!! Grouped the kids into pairs and made them show me concrete representations of the 3-digit numbers that I called out! =D then on Thursday, I let them play the PVC game found in the math TB! =D the highest score on that day was 34 points! Impressive!! At first I let them practise then for the 5 math minutes I told them that each correct answer will be awarded 1 point! =D
• As for English, I did 4 of the SBA activities before letting them do their learning sheets! But I think I could have improved the planning and timing of my lessons! Learnt that I have to make sure that there is enough time to complete the section of the WS AFTER the activities. If I make them do the WS the next day, they would have forgotten about what was taught the previous day! And I made them do comprehension by asking them to act out the roles in the wuestions/ passage! Helps that there are pictures in the book! =D and I realized its good to get those who did not bring their books to sit in front so that they will not get distracted on their seats and will be able to follow the lesson as well! =D and I used charades to teach them spelling! Pray that all of them would remember the meanings and spellings of the words! =D
• I now have a better idea of what routines I want to teach to my class and how I want to teach them when I get another one in the future!
• Really thank God for bringing me through last week and this week! Because this is my first time taking a class all by myself from the start of the year, I was really unsure about many things and I think I was a bit too anxious! Haha but thank God things worked out well in the end! =D Lesson learnt: do not collect school diaries on my own..someone will collect them and put them in the hall during assembly on the first day! =D

Anyway I think it's crazy!! On Friday night I started planning for what I would do with my class on Monday and I kept adding stuff to my plan for the day until 4.34AM in the morning and couldn't sleep until 5plus!! And then I woke up at 2plus in the afternoon and went to Tampines to meet darling for dinner! Saw some nice tops at the interchange but they were selling at $20 each! A little too pricey for my liking! Anyway, we ate at BBQ Chicken for the first time and in my opinion the food wasn't really nice and it was quite expensive! Had the half chicken with mashed potato and fries! Think Hot Tomato's quality is better! And the portion is bigger! =D and the best part is..the meal is under $10!! LOVEEE hahaha =D

Okay gonna talk about how my week went..!

• Really hectic on Monday and Tuesday! Plus I didn't get a good sleep on Monday cause I couldn't sleep at night and got a call early in the morning so it affected my performance for the rest of the day! But thank God I managed to carry out what I planned to do! =D
• Was told that I would be observed for my Math lesson and had to get all the manipulatives and everything! My goodness guess this is the stressful part for me! Firstly, the manipulatives were not packed properly for the classes yet and all of them are in the Math room. Secondly, in my original lesson plan, I wasn't intending to use any of the manipulatives cause I didn't know what was available!! But on that day I had to rush to the math room to get ready and tweak my lesson plan so that I could use the manipulatives! But anyway thank God the lesson went okay without any hiccups!
• Went home exhausted on Monday but I met up with darling for dinner cause he said he'd be doing duty on Tuesday! Bought a pair of shorts! Finally! =D
• Went to HZ's birthday celebration after school on Wednesday! Thank God I didn't feel very tired cause I had 3 free periods at the end of the day THANK GODDDD! =D The food was really yummy and I got to catch up with my JC friends whom I haven't seen in a really long time! =D
• Got to buy new flats cause mine gave way as I was walking to school today! But other than that, really enjoyed today!! =D thank God for Fridays!! =D
• And last but not least, thank God I have siblings who are still schooling now so they can be my "guinea pigs" for my lesson plans! =D and they can even provide me with suggestions on how to improve my lesson! Thank God for them!! =D

Okay that's all for now! Do pray for me if you read this that I'll impact my students positively during my time here! And that they will be well-behaved and be able to understand whatever I teach them! Thank you! =D God bless, take care & byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! =D