Someone asked me how I am today. I haven't replied cause I haven't really sorted my emotions out. So here I am.
Met my RO who couldn't give me an absolute answer if I'd be promoted next year. It's been 6 years. He said P said it's not right and would check with HR if I'm still not promoted. Nice to know but..doesn't P always decide who gets promoted? Don't they know the promotion list long before it's out? I guess I'll only have my answers when I get to talk to him.
And then after school, during the dept meeting, I felt very strongly that my HOD favours another colleague and wants to give her opportunities. The favoured continues to get favour. I guess I feel sad about this too, and it has only strengthened my resolve to apply for a transfer next year. Long overdue, I tell myself.
Been thinking if I should share my story on social media. Would things be better? People might sympathise and be angry on my behalf but..would anything actually get done? Do I really have to question MOE on social media and ask if things have been fair? I think about what might happen and honestly, don't have high hopes that I'd be compensated in any way.
And then there are gonna be people who ask why I didn't transfer earlier. I did think about it almost every year.
2018: too early to trf. I was given the option by MOE to do so at the EOY but my then VP gave me the letter after the deadline
2019: So much happened that I asked P if I could go in May. He persuaded me to stay. And after ranking, told me that I should go somewhere new cause the KPs said unfavourable things about me. But it was too late. Appn period was over. He apologized. And I somehow felt peace about staying (on hindsight, was that a pseudo sense of peace? I really don't know) + a Christian colleague told me "the devil wants you to go, but God wants you to stay".
2020: mental health was at its worst. I guess being in a toxic environment really took its toll on me. I wanted out of the ranking system. I couldn't go on and had to take NPL for 4 months. Missed the appn period for transferring yet again.
2022: had in mind to trf again cause I wasn't getting a role I wanted even tho I've requested for it a few times. Was really, really considering to do it in 2023.
2023: looked through the open postings and narrowed down to some but nearing the end of the deadline, I spoke to a colleague I'm doing a proj w and she said my idea is v good. So since we have the base in this school, I thought I would stay to see to its completion.
Other pros I listed:
- a class I really like
- my preferred level
- a v good coform
- good RO (next year's one also confirmed alr)
- nice level colleagues I'm comfortable with
- nice SLs (that VP left)
Applying next year would mean I have to stay on till next year end. That'd make it 7 years in this school. Number of completion isn't it. It's high time I move on after that. Anyway said project didn't really take off. It's v raw I feel. Also heard my proj partner thought of leaving. Coform too. Plus I'd have completed the full 2 years with my current class. And dept has plans for me which I'm not keen on.
Found smth I shared w someone before:
"Boils down to opportunities. Being in a new environment where people don't have any preconceived notions of me may help me grow more!"
I really have more than enough reasons to leave and start again. I wish I did earlier because as a BT I would have been given a mentor (in the new school). I can only hope that I will be treated kindly and get the support I need. People who believe in me, see my potential and really nurture me.