状况连连..
Day 1 - stomachache in the morn cause I was way too nervous the night before (cause I haven't taught a full class for 2.5 years and was so afraid I'd be rusty 😥) and barely slept..prayed and thank God for healing me in time cause I had to report by 7.10 and only left school at 4..few and short breaks in between..end of day feels: madness. Exhausted.
Day 2 - left eye got really swollen and I thought I wouldn't be able to open it when I woke up..entire area around it hurt..thank God for the strength to still get up, show up & go on cause had to reach by 7.10 as well and there was contact time after school..gobbled down lunch in 5min & got a bit of heartburn..even fewer & shorter breaks..ended class at 2.30 and had to rush for contact time at 2.45..after staff meeting there was a teacher who came to talk to me for a while..and I couldn't even look at her cause it'll hurt if I look straight instead of down..only left around 6..was so tired and upset cause I felt it was so unfair that the person who I replaced in the staff duty list was always in the staffroom and didn't even seem that busy? + someone said based on the old timetable a lot of people were underquota while there I was, a newbie, with so many periods and hardly time to catch a breather/ do impt stuff like lesson planning..didn't help that friends seemed to be doing okay in their new schools..with time to deco classroom/ getting notes from students/ being able to leave early and prep for lessons at home. Felt utterly zombiefied at the end of the day (& alternative career choices crossed my mind..social media manager..director..actress..blogshop model (lol)..housewife) and teared up a bit at home..decided I had to sleep really early so my eye will get better + I will feel less terrible emotionally..真的透支了..
Day 3 - had to reach even earlier for traffic light duty..but couldn't get a vest in time and decided to go to the duty venue first cause safety is impt..and found that there was already someone there..prayed so desperately during class cause I didn't know what to do with my class at times..after school I thought I could finally do some proper lesson planning but there was induction (delayed by a week cause had to wait for everyone to be free..)..didn't have time for lunch cause classes ended at 2 and it started at 2.15 (spare time was used to put stuff back in staffroom) and could only leave at 5plus..came home and had 3 servings for dinner (bad for body :( the slide about the importance of breakfast we had to show the kids flashed in my head so many times..and sadly I wasn't following it..supposed to eat the least for din but it's the opposite for me..) also was determined to still do some work albeit seriously needing sleep + eye haven't fully recovered..so I did a bit.
Day 4 - thought I could finally have a longer break to print my lesson resources and prepare more thoroughly but realised I had to be there for FTGP + suddenly had to meet RO and there went my break..ended up being cranky and wasn't able to manage my class properly..and my kids went out of control 😢 身心疲惫..kept thinking of how this is not contract/ practicum anymore & I really wanna plan better lessons for my kids and they deserve so much more from me but I couldn't do it during this week cause I wasn't in the right state to..guess there's a lot of self-blame & self-imposed expectations..
Came home and had to tell myself to give myself a break cause it IS hard..drastic change in body clock..adjusting to new environment..new colleagues (think this is smth I'm (overly) worried about cause based on past experiences people can be really fake/ mean 😕😔)..new expectations..new responsibilities..new pupils..plus I'm the only one who just grad from NIE in my school..so people might not understand how tough the transition is..esp for this week..when I need to begin teaching a new level but I've no prior lesson plans/ resources to fall back on unlike the rest..but have no time to do them also cause of meetings/ admin matters (printing/ collecting stuff/ replying impt messages from colleagues/ parents)..don't even have time to eat lol..and it's tough being an introvert but having to interact with people for such long periods (being in school for 10 hours on average daily is just really draining)..come back home still got to try to prepare for the next day & endure 299's loud CNY music..so I've been pretty sleep-deprived this week & the lack of sleep had me being super absentminded, easily irritable, developing a swell on my eyelid (cause wear contacts too long also but pain 😢) + sore throat. Only through God's grace and strength that I've survived the week..