Counting blessings..

Week thus far has been pretty tiring..just as I was feeling quite sad about not clearing my sleep debt though I only have an afternoon class today, I got a random message from someone I knew from Cru (but wasn't close to) wishing me happy teacher's day haha so sweet that she actually took the time to message me and even offered to pray for me after that..haha made me think, "how do I know God is real? This is one of the ways..people showing God's love at times when you need it.." can't be a coincidence..haha thank You for loving me through people..was touched when she prayed for me over WhatsApp..just..grace in action :')

Another story..

So I've this mod with 2 compulsory textbooks to get but I didn't manage to get them at the start of the semester cause the sellers I approached sold the books to other people already..but thank God the tutor said he wouldn't need to use them the first few weeks (well actually he did get us to refer to them but thank God everyone else at my table brought the books and could share with me + he didn't fault anyone for not bringing) so I didn't have to worry about getting them..

Until recently the tutor mentioned this elearning assignment which I think requires the textbooks to complete so I had to buy them..but remember there wasn't any more on Carousell? Haha so I wasn't really expecting to find any when I searched again but lo and behold there was this girl selling it for $20!! Usual price $36.80 so..yea must be God!!! Haha and so..I managed to get the textbooks I need for almost half the price today..thank You for taking care of my needs..😌

Also thank God for the strength for classes yesterday morning..to take part in class discussions despite not sleeping enough on Tues night at all..only got home past 1030pm? 😪 And had trouble falling asleep though I was dead tired..had to wake up at 7 yesterday so yeah..it's a miracle I survived the super long day yesterday..! And managed to nap a bit at my fav sleeping spot in NIE after classes so I wouldn't be as zombified during CR..haha

So yess..counting all these blessings and remembering how God is taking care of me though I'm too tired to realise it sometimes..

-

"..private, reserved and self-conscious. This makes them difficult to really get to know, and their need for these qualities contributes to the guilt they often feel for not giving more of themselves to those they care about." - legit how I've been feeling lately..esp towards people who always care even though I don't have the energy to care for them as much as I'd like to..😔 God help me..gimme a bigger capacity + better sleep quality so I've the energy to be there for those around me!

When I don't "feel" Christian

Never let me go.
Never let me go.

Times when I feel like..I'm not as close to God..when I don't feel what I sing during praise and worship..like today..is God not there? Definitely not..so I was asking..where are You..where am I..

And God was (still is) carrying me..when I can't see God..maybe that's cause I'm being lifted..

So..never let me go God..despite whatever I feel/ think..

And train of thought #2:

What gives me comfort when I don't feel like I'm behaving like a Christian is how God knows me..completely. He knows every fear, every struggle..He knows my humanness. And He understands.

"I know you." - and that's enough.

Hi

So..this is strange. I don't usually do this haha but..I think I'm realizing how important personal stories are..not for my own sake but for others..(which kind of explains why I recently revived my dead IG haha surprise surprise! But also cause I felt like I needed to record that moment..cause like what I told a friend who knows how it's so uncharacteristic of me to post, "it's not gonna happen again..I'm never gonna have a final moment of my last summer break again 😢" hahahaha #dramaizme)

The link that I put on my IG profile is ymi.today haha in hopes that it'd lead people who randomly encounter my private profile to a place where they'd find their questions to life answered (cause..I've learnt that..the question everyone has but no one really bothers talking about is.."What's my purpose in life?")

But today..I'm gonna change it. To this blog. Cause a website like ymi is helpful but it's not gonna connect with y'all the same way my own stories would (not cause I'm better than the writers on that site but simply cause it's just different when you know the writer of what you're reading vs when you don't). I came across a blog today and was just reminded of..how I used to write like that on this blog..how I used to share my life through this space..and I guess over time..I withdrew because I got scared. I don't like sharing too much with too many people and that's the reason I hardly ever post personal stuff on my social media accounts. When this blogging thing started, you had to click on people's links to read what they had to say. So people had a choice. But now every post (on IG/FB) just pops out at you (i.e. inyoface lol) when you scroll through your feed and..haha I just feel uncomfortable making people go through what I share in that way..(cause what if they don't want to? What if they don't like it? Haha insecurities101)

But here's me. Haha and my dusty blog. Not sure who's gonna read this (other than the close few I might share this with) but thank God IG has this bio link option so..I feel better you're here by choice and not because you've to read this on your feed heh

So much to say (things I've been thinking about/ learning) but..right now at this moment..my thought is: why does time pass so quickly?? Wanted to work on my FYP but..haha the day is ending soon?? Too fast God..too fast. But thank You. For the fact that I'm even able to type this despite whatever I'm supposed to do. For helping me see the bigger perpsective.

So..to the world. Let's go. Link's gonna be up and welcome to my world.

P.S. dayre.me/sandrainbow for where I had been writing online the past few years (I guess writers never really quit writing haha we just find different platforms too do it heh) okay just went to read what I wrote hahahaha I'm so sorry it's gonna be so real..some of the posts are pure angst some superficial some talking about insignificant stuff and some reflective hahaha but okay doubt anyone will stalk everything soooo here it is!